My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
