My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
