Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
