how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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