I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize