like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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