just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
