Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
