Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
