I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
