About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
