Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize