We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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