i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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