I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize