So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
