there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize