chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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