just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
