Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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