Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
