Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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