I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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