Sponge bath it is.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
