dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
