guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
3pm strippers are depressing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
