Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
