You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So much Jack, so little girl.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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