is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
