You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
