I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
