I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
