I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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