Your face is a jimmy john
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
