when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
