mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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