nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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