I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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