With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
