my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
