yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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