At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
