you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
