You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
