i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
