apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize