Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
