So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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