i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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