So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
