the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
