Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
