left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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