"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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