All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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