Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
