I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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