Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
