dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
