So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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