you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
