Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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