I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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