Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
