So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
