so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
