Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
