the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
