We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
