I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
