Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
