we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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