Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
