He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
