so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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