Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
