mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize