I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
