You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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