clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
