Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
