i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
