seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
