why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
