The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
