don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
