You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
