remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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