we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
