next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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