think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
