Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
