We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
