Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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