my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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