I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
