are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
